I went to a lovely wedding this weekend in Edinburgh and one of the readings was a poem by one of my favourite poets, Dr John Cooper-Clarke. After the wedding I returned to some of his poetry and was inspired to write this about drinking in Blackpool. It’s in limerick form (ish) and to be read in a northern accent!

Drinking in Blackpool by Liam Overend

We’re going for a massive night out

We’re going to drink where it’s cool

To sacred ground,

We’re westward bound

We’re going to get drunk in Blackpool

 

We’re going to get smashed by the seaside

Tonight we’re going to go wild

We’re gonna drink beer

(Why else are we here?)

We’re gonna get wrecked on the Fylde

 

But the pubs aren’t as good as they used ta

And the clubs have burnt down like the schools

And the ones that remain

Are not glad you came

But they’ll still take your cash in Blackpool

 

All the bar-staff are underpaid wannabes

And every bouncer’s a tool

At the blokes they all sneer

And the lasses they leer

But that’s just how it goes in the pool

 

All the chavs will try to be hard with ya

And most have the IQ of warm drool

If you’re after a fight

You’ll get one alright

You don’t have to try hard in the pool

 

But we don’t care; we’re here for the lager!

Tonight we’re gonna break every rule!

We’re here to get drunk

And with another pint sunk

Let’s find a new bar in the pool

 

We’ll drink ‘til we can’t see our pint glasses

We’ll drink ‘til we fall off our stools

And like it or not

We’re all doing shots

‘cus that’s how you party int’ ‘pool

 

You see, every village has an idiot

And every town has a fool

But we’ve come here today

And it’s here where we’ll stay

We all end up trashed in Blackpool